Reflections on Parenting and Governance. The Impact of Beliefs.
blog 39
Helping others find hope has been my life work throughout my 45 years as a clinical psychologist. Staying upbeat in order to help others has also been my personal challenge. In spite of the prejudice, hatred, and cruelty that pervades our daily news, I remind myself to be positive. As the new year approaches I wish happiness and good tidings to all.
In the past few years of my retirement I have met many kind and considerate people who share an interest in respecting life no matter how small. I’d like to think that so many more people believe this way. I remain hopeful and take strength from them. I can not however in good conscious avoid focusing on and confronting the challenges of negative messaging.
Looking back at my practice I placed considerable attention to how our beliefs trigger our feelings and behavior. My work with children involves teaching them new ways to look at their life experiences. To help children it is extremely important to also help parents understand the major impact that their beliefs have on their children. What a parents says and how they act sets the foundation for a child’s beliefs and later possible inappropriate adult behavior.
With respect to current social/political events I’d like to share this experience. I have never forgotten this session I shared many years ago with a young child I was treating for anxiety. On this particular day he was so excited as he told me he was going on a family camping trip in upstate New York. He seemed a bit worried though as he whispered to me that he was scared because there are Jews that live near the camping area. He said that his parents told him that Jews steal food and clothing from people and kidnap children. Apparently he did not know I was Jewish. His parents denied making such prejudicial anti-Semitic comments.
I demonstrated in previous blogs how our political and elected leaders can be seen as a type of parent figure. The messages they publicly express can have a profound influence upon the citizens of our country as similar to that of parents in a family. Recently our previous President as well as some celebrities have been openningly expressing anti-semitic comments. Correspondingly there has been an increase in the rate of hate crimes against Jews. Hate crimes towards many other cultural and ethnic groups have also been on the rise. Indeed our previous President still continues to express considerable prejudicial hateful commits as he did throughout his one term in office.
A child is born with an open mind. They have no inborn concept of how to engage with others. How they learn is similar to setting up a new computer. To use a new computer one has to download and install new programs. Simmerly, parents are the primary programmers of a child’s mind. Later teachers, religious leaders, peers, social media and political leaders such as our Presidents will also become significant programers.
The beliefs/programs are used to decipher the massive amount of information that surrounds us daily. We use these programs or beliefs in particular ways to connect to the world. There are countless beliefs that direct our reactions and lead our paths.
Good programming supports open mindedness, kindness and consideration that all life is important. Bad programming is negativistic, mean, self centered and narrow minded. Children will copy their parents particular religious views, their likes and dislikes, and biases and prejudices. Even in a so called age of enlightenment it is not uncommon for attitudes and beliefs to be passed down generationally often without question.
Many children are also programmed to belief that their self- esteem will depend upon the approval of significant others. They are led to believe that to be included in a group one must adopted the group’s beliefs' or face the dread of social isolation.
Over the course of history there have been many shrewd politicians who are skilled at mind control and pray upon some of our worst programing to manipulate others for their own selfish greedy ambitions. They stoke up fears, hatreds and create culture wars. They profess and claim magical solutions if only we blindly empower them. They try to keep us divided to stay in control.
It is hard work to get parents to consider the impact of what they are teaching their children. It is even harder to help an adult change their thinking to accommodate making changes. Those that succeed are willing to examine their views and be open to changing their beliefs.
In our highly energized reactive social political world we must be open to taking control of our own thinking. Why do I belief in such a way? Can my beliefs be supported by factual evidence? Are my beliefs caring and considerate of everyone or based solely on selfish self interest?
At this time of the year we often make New Year’s Resolutions. They often include pledging to improve one’s life by losing weight, exercising more, and getting a new job. It can also be a time to resolve to reexamine our core beliefs. As a parent consider what you believe and the impact on your children. What positive programing can you install?
Take time to sit around the table and talk with your kids about beliefs. Focus attention to teach them that people come in all shapes. sizes, colors and speak many languages. Teach them to understand that what we all hold in common is that we are all citizens of planet Earth. At this time our planet’s climate is in need of serious intervention. Ignoring global problems and being distracted by short sighted petty selfishness will lead to our extinction as has already happened to many species that used to live on this planet.
As a citizen it would be helpful to connect with people who value kindness and consideration of all life. Our elected leaders, celebrities and other community influencers must be held accountable for the truthfulness and impact of their beliefs on society. Accepting bias, prejudice and hatred will only continue to divide us and distract us from the most vital issues that face us. Question leadership. Ask them what their plans are for solving earth’s most pressing issues. Consider their behavior not just their words. We are running out of time to allow ourselves to be divided and controlled by short sighted selfish power hungry so called leadership.
The messages of our holiday season often espouse peace on earth for all. We worship beliefs that asked not for political control but rather to remember that all of us need to help lift each other up. It is not the material gifts that count but rather the gift of love and kindness for all that matters most.
What are your beliefs and what will you teach your children? Who will we allow to govern our country?
To all the citizens of earth, from the smallest creatures to mankind, all my best for the new year.
Dr. Michael Simon
For greater insight into my concepts please refer to the Family as a Country section in my book, The Two Roads of Life: Navigating Yourself and Family to Health and Contentment.
